Death Nip
by EmoNekoNinja
Summary: Muhahaha... I live again my readers! only this time, its not an Fullmetal Alchemist story. its Death Note! Summary: Light smoked somthing off the side of the road, and he's driving L crazy! what will happen? ZOMFG ROFLMAO! :3
1. Harpo!

Muhahahahahaha!!! Welcome to my new story **Death Nip**. Inspired by, Me, Lewis-kun, Death Note, and my story **cat nip**.

ENJOY!

I own NOTHING. Only Lewis, Cause he's my betch!!

Lewis: What?!!?!! DX

Me: muhahahaha…

Lewis: O.O

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L was sitting at his lab top doing Kira research when all of a sudden…

" ZOMFG!!!! L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Light ran threw the door like…like…he just saw Pete wentz break up with Ashley Simpson. The skank. Hehe…more like Trashly Skankson…HAHAHAAA…any way…

"Light-Kun?! What is it?! What happened?!" L asked. His eyes filled with concern.

" L, THERE IS A MARATHON OF OPRAH COMING ON AHD I GOTTA SEE IT!!!!!" Light said matter-of-fact-o-ly .

Insert a face plant for L.

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About an hour latter, L and Light were sitting on the couch watching Oprah.

"yay! Oprah! Oprah! L can u believe it?!?! A hole MARATHON of OPRAH! Harpo! Yaaaayyyy!!!!!" Light was jumping up and down on the couch. like me when Death Note comes on on Adult Swim on Saturdays.

" yes Light-kun. I can believe it." L said.

then the T.V went to the Oprah them song! OMG!!!! YAAAY!!!! Oprah's name appeared on screen and she came out of the stage on a skate board! She zoomed by the audience and was giving them high fives and did a kick flip and stuff….

Any way…

" Hello! And welcome! …Who wants free stuff!!" oprah yelled

Light's eyes widened "Holy Crap! Oprah! I want free stuff!!!" byut the tv cant hear u so. No free stuff for light.

"awww… no free stuff…Whaaa!!!!! –emo corner-" Light said.

Oprah started to point at people in the audience. " every one gets a free school! You get a free school! U get a free school! Every one gets a free school!!"

People were probably thinking " what the hell am I supposed to do with a frickin school?! Omg!"

" EVERY ONE GETS A FREE SCHOOL WITH ITS OWN DISTRICK AND A COMPLEAT FACALTY!!!! Yaaaaaayyyy!!!!" Oprah said. Then she started to point again. "Every one gets a Free hump back Whale!!!!!!!! U get a hump back whale! U get a hump back whale! And so do u!!! Every one gets a free Hump back whale and there own Ocean!!! Yaaayyy!"

"O.o holy crap this is a weird show…" L said.

XAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAX

Well…That show ended. Sooo… The next one came on.

The camera came in to a dark room. It was all quiet. The a light shined on a wall and the shadow of Oprah was there. The Boosh! The light shined on Oprah's face. Then she said it.

"Pedophiles."

The audience roared. "O Gawd! O.O Pedo-Pervs L! Pedo-pervs!!" light said to L.

" You could be a Pedophile. U likely are a Pedophile." Oprah stated. "if you want to see if there is a pedophile in your area go to Family Watch Dog . org"

" L! lets go see if there are any pedo-pervs in this area!!!" and light went to the computer!!! Ooohhh!!!!

" I don't think it would be accurate Light-kun. There probably jus- OMG." L said as he looked at the screen.

Light had been typing the address of the hotel in the search box on the website, and sure enough, 50 or more dots were lining the hotel. And inside the hotel. But oh no, it wasn't even one color! One color Red for rapist, pink for pedo, blue for um an over eating pedo…the list went on…and each dot had a picture. And below the picture was stats. Rapist trading cards! And if u collect all nine of them there's a puzzle on the back! A….cloud? with cuffs and a dildo?!?! And a smirk on its face?!?!? EWWW!!!!!!

" oh god. U can barly see own suite! It has to peek threw the dots saying "Im here! Right here! Don't leave mee!!!!' " Light said.

"ummm………hey Light-Kun…Oprahs back on! Lets watch!" L said. 'no more! No more!!!!' his mind screamed.

"Mm'Kay!" Light said (I've always liked the Mm'Kay.)

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After like…a day...Oprah ended, and light was high no more. But L would get revenge on light…muhahahaha….


	2. La La and Tinky Winky

Ok, i guess I wasn't very clear on some things.

1, I have seen Oprah and no, I'm not bashing her.

2, I forgot to put in the beginning that Ratio-kun smoked something. Sorry.

3, Ratio also has A.D.H.D from the…what ever he smoked in the first place. It gave him brain damage. Hyper active brain damage!! n.n

4, this story has the same idea of random Crack! As my other story **CatNip** in the Fullmetal Alchemist section. Go read it. Run. NOW. Its very funny.

Now, ONDELAY, ONDELAY, MAMA, E AH, E AH, EH OH!!

**XAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAX**

'_Fudge nuggets, my head hurts!!! Whhaaaa!' _Light thought as he woke up the next morning. _'hmmm….maybe more drugs will make me feel better!!!' _

**XAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAX**

At the Hotel L was currently eating a piece of strawberry swirl cake! (yummy!)

…..suddenly,

" EH OH L!!!!!!!" light came running in side in a….a Teletubby costume?!?!

"o gawd. O.o Ratio-Kun, what are u smoking?! Its been Three days!" L asked. He looked up at Light and… he was in the lala teletubby.

" I don't know!!!1 something I found on the side of the road. But any way…..ITS TIME 4 TUBBY CUSTARD!!!!" Light cried conga-ing (wtf?) to the kitchen.

"Light, u do know that ur in a LaLa teletubby suit? Right? The YELLOW one? the GIRL one?!" L asked desperately.

" I do know L! that's cause I got u… a TINKY WINKY one!!!!!! yaaayyy!" Light said and whoosh! He pulled a tinky winky teletubby costume from the back patchy thing on the teletubbies butts. "and look! The tv works! We can watch Music videos from My Chemical Romance! And watch Frank beat up Mikey on stage!! Yyaaayyy!!"

"……...Okay!"

**XAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAX**

After a day of tubby custard, My Chemical Romance, and the annoying jingle that comes from the Teletubby's butt when it sits down, L and Light had past out. On the ceiling fan. Don't ask how, I just write them as I see's them.

XD


	3. Im an Emo Kid

L awoke feeling …breezy.

"ARGGGHHH!!!?!!!one!!!!" L screamed after he fell of the ceiling fan.

"L Pusaw!" Light cried. (pusaw…wasup)

L turned around to see light but saw an….Emo kid? (me no bash cause then I'd be bashing my own kind!)

"Light-Kun?! What the fuck are you doing?!!!" L cried

"Im singing the Emo kid song!! _Im an Emo kid, none conforming as can be! You'd be none conforming to if you look just like me! I have paint on my nails and make up on my face! Im almost emo enough to start shaving my legs! And I fell real deep when im dressing in drag. I call it freedom of expression. most just call me a fag, Cause are dudes look like chicks, and our chicks look like dykes, cause Emo is one step below transvestite. Stop my breathing and slit my throat! –bump bump- I must be Emo, I don't jump around when I go to shows –bump bump- I must be emo. When I get deprs-" _

" alright!! Sooo then if you're an Emo kid light, then….who's your crack dealer???!!!!"

L asked

" ….ITS NOT BARNEY!!!" light cried suddenly.

" O.o……the dinosaur?" L asked

"………………No….maybe….7… 5… niner……"

"your trailing off and did I hear a 'niner'? what are you talking in to? A walky-talky?" L asked

" no its cordless."


	4. Fish Sticks why? i dont know so dont ask

Man, I love reviews. Thanx!

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**The-Wind-Dragon-Caller **:-nods- yes Dank Cook is effen awesome. And I loved that skit so much I started this fanfiction with it!

**black.is.the.new.blood **: I flippen love your pen name. And if any one gives me an idea I will 75 percent of the time use it. :3 Oh by the way what dose this mean? 'Holy giant pink tape cutting robot!' u know a robot who cuts pink tape?!! Fricken Sweet! X3

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The entire task force was looking for Light and L.

They had been missing for hours. But apparently I decided to magically appear and find them which I did! I found them on the roof drinking…Red Bull?

" OMG ITS MOLLY!" L cried.

"OMG SO IT IS!" I cried back. "sooo…what'cha doin?"

" we're drinking Red Bull to get wings so we can fly far away! To a magical place called CANADA. You can come to if you want!" Light explained.

I stared at them, and I stared at them, and I stared at them, until finally I said it.

" Okay!"

XAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAX

**TO BE COUNTINUED…… **

dun.

Dun.

DUN.

**DUNNUNNNNNNnnnnuunnUN!**

I need to leave to the store but I wanted to get this up. The next chapter to this will be up like in 2-3 hours from now. Sorry.


	5. toast ate my hyperniss

Hey look im Baaaccckkkkkk!!!!! Yaaay!

And….i bought POCKY at the store!!!!!! Yummy!

XAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAX

Last time…..

" we're drinking Red Bull to get wings so we can fly far away! To a magical place called CANADA. You can come to if you want!" Light explained.

I stared at them, and I stared at them, and I stared at them, until finally I said it.

" Okay!"

XAXAXAXXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAAX

After I had one red bull I decided that I hate red bull.

So I said that instead of flying to Canada (more likely killing our selves) we should play a group game of Mario Kart Racing for the Nintendo DS.

My DS was red and black, lights was…pink? Ok… and L had a black one.

After like 70 million rounds we stoped playing. We decided that we should be idiots and play Pictochat while we're all in the same room while listening to Panic! At the disco.

Fun!

**L.Is.Spiffy: **OMFG!!

**Ratio-FUCKING-Kun: **Spiffy??

**L.Is.Spiffy: **Yes. Spiffy. Now as I was saying…OMFG ROFLMAO… JKJKJKJKLOLOL I FUCKING HEART YOUR MAKE UP! OMIGAWD I LOVE YOUR HAIR! IS THAT A NEW TATOO?! DID THAT PEIRCING FUCKING HURT?! JKJKJKJKLOLOL

**Lewis-Kun: **HAHA. : that's the just kidding song! n.n

**Ratio-FUCKING-Kun**: oic.

**L.Is.Spiffy**: gawd this is boring…

**Lewis-Kun**: yes. Lets stop.

**Ratio-FUCKING-Kun**: Mm'kay!

So…after that they….um…. im running out of hyper! ARGGHHH!!!

Ok i'll right a fucking awesome chapter tommow ok? Don't kill me in my sleep little elfs!


	6. Grandpa watches PORN with you yep PORN

DN Suppy? Im sorry that there have been no updates for a long time. I've been sick with a high fever and all that jazz.

On with The show!!!!

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"O MI GAWD L!!!!!" Light cried running in to the room.

L rolled his eyes. "what is it now Light-kun?"

" L you HAVE to listin to this song I found on YouTube! Its flippen awesome!!!" Light said as he walked over to the computer and turned on the video.

"a song? Dose it involve crack in it? Cause it probally dose." L said.

"Maayybbbe." Light said

The vid started but Light skiped through abunch of things and stuff….

"Here!!"

' _When you fucked Grandpa, did he tell you that he loved you? Did he hold you till the sun did rise? And did he look in to your eyes?' -TV scramble- _

Light squeeled and rolled on the floor for a couple moments. "Isn't that the bestest song you ever heard?!!"

L stood there, and stood there, and stood there, until he finally said it.

" Broke Back Mountain?!?!!"

Light looked at L. "Actually that was a good movie."

"Yeah, but alot of peple were missleaded and left the theater when all that...stuff happend."

" i herd that too."

"Yeah."

...ok then...REVIEW!


	7. What does MySpace have to do with DN?

**IM BACK BITCHES.**

'Cake is so good.' L thought.

It was a nice day today. But the only thing missing was Light-Kun.

"Ruuzaki!!"

Oh, never mind.

L stood up and sighed. "What is it now Light-Kun?"

Light ran in to the officey area and squealed once he saw L.

"Ruuzaki I know who Kira is!!"

L's eyes widened. "Really!?"

"YES!" Light now put one foot on the couch. "IT'S TOM FROM MYSPACE."

"….what?"

Light smiled. " Don't you see?! All the people Kira killed DON'T HAVE A MYSPACE! Tom is getting pissed off at those non-myspacers and is KILLING THEM WITH HIM MYSPACY POWERS OF DEWM!! Oooohhh!!"

L just sat there. " … OMIGAWD YOUR RIGHT!"

"REALLY?!"

"No."

"ugh."

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The Next day was just as nice as yesterday, but Light was already here. Watching tv from the floor while L laid on the couch.

"Ruuzaki..?" Light asked.

"What is it now Light-kun?"

"Did you know that if you take Matt, Near and Mello then you'll have a really big M 'n' M?" Light asked innocently.

L's eyes widened again. "How do you know them?!"

Light just sat there. "They have been in the closet over there since I fist came here."

L blinked. 'What…? The closet? How? WHY?' he thought as he got up to open the closet door. When he got there he heard two voices giggling and another shush them.

L sighed the opened the door to see … a … A GIANT M 'N' M!?

No im kidding, it was just Matt, Mello and Near in an MnM costume.

"Uh…. Hi L!" Somone shouted….who sounded awfully a lot like mello…

"…okay…this is officially weird." L said "What is wrong with people this month? YOU CANT ALL BE HIGH!"

"I know im not," Near said steping out of the costume, "I just got forced in to this outfit by Matt and Mello and WHAM! We're here for DAYS. WITH NO BATHROOM BREAKS!! NONE I TELL YOU!"

Matt got out too. "None." He agreed.

"WHERE'S THE NUN?! I DON'T WANNA GET HIT WITH A RULER RUUZAKI!" Light cried from his side.

Mello climbed out also and now chewed on his candy bar.

"There's no nun Light-Kun." L said

"No but I'm here."

Eyes widened. "GASP!" "Holy...!" "WHAT?!"

Light griped L's legs from his spot on the floor. "Omigawd, L. Its… Its…"

"Its Tom?" L said.

There in all his glory, was TOM. THE MYSPACE MAN!!

"Haha.." Tom laughed, "I've just come to say….THAT IF YOU DON'T GET A MYSPACE KNOW I'LL KILL YOU ALL!! MUHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! … ehem. Thank you."

"NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!" Watari cried as he ran in the room with a frying pan.

"GASP, A frying pan?! Oh noes!!" Tom cried but was too late, Watari already swung the metal object at the killer and WHABAM! He flew throgh the open window.

"LOOKS LIKE TEAM TOM IS BLASTING OFF AGAIIINNNN!!"

Ding! -sparkle in the sky!-

"YAY! WE DIDN'T DIE!!" every one cheered

"Yeah we saved Pikachu!"

Every body stopped and looked at Mello.

"What..?"

WHABAM! Frying pans were flying!

"LOOKS LIKE TEAM MELLO IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!"

Ding! -gay sparkle in the sky-

"Well that was interesting." L said.


End file.
